Is is too difficult for you to navigate finding a partner for yourself either via dating apps or via arranged marriage setup and you are wondering why?
Let’s read further to find out..!!

It’s so easy to find someone via dating apps and match with them, as if it’s easy to un-match at any point.
This particular thought has expanded so greatly that everyone wants everything from one person.

We all have a set criteria in our head about a life partner, that is amazing because it gives us clarity in looking for a partner. It’s like you want to order a coffee, you will have to know what kind of coffee do you want including the way it is made and what all should be inside it and only then you will get your desired order.
The fact is, you can be choosy and bend less for a coffee but it isn’t a necessity that you keep being rigid and choosy for finding a partner.

A recent study investigated 17 potential predictors of involuntary singlehood.
Predictors included, among others, being neurotic, choosy, disagreeable, and bad at flirting.
However, even if we do not rely on this study, there are a few factors that contribute to finding it difficult to find partners.

The Busy Lifestyle: We all are working to achieve our career goals which demands extra working hours, handling work pressure, poor work-life balance and no time for self. All this is great when you are single as you won’t have to convince your friends (who probably are going through the same as career struggles as you) and your family (who you stay with and who know you). But when you are looking for a partner who doesn’t know you, you will have to invest time in that relationship. Since you are used to the busy schedule, you find it difficult to take out time for this new relationship and expect your partner to understand which can hamper the relationship and bonding.

Being Attached too Fast to the Bigger Goals: The moment we start talking with someone, we either get over attached to the person and start building our life and goals around the person, or we start over-analyzing the situation by being too cautious about what the person does. This is a gap to understand the person being too attached too fast could backfire by the person rejecting you and being too analytical could lead to lack of trust for the person which may not work in your favor. Try to be balanced in your approach when you are talking with someone.

Being too Choosy: I agree that we all have a picture in our mind about how our partner should be and that is completely fair, but there will be times when you could be in a situation wherein you may like the person and want to know more about the person yet just because of you wanting everything to be in place you let the person go. Is this valid? give it a thought!

Not Willing to Adjust and/or Compromise: We put a very black and white approach when it comes to adjustment and compromise. We directly attach it to our worth, self-esteem and achievements. Sometimes not doing what your partner doesn’t like isn’t compromising with your dreams/desires, etc. it just means that the person’s wish is important for you. It doesn’t mean that your freedom or anything else is being taken from you, it’s a natural reciprocation of your and your partners love for each other. Have certain non-negotiables which are practical and important and rest you will figure out while being together with each other.

Difficult Conversations First, Difficult Person Second: We always think that having all the difficult conversations in the very start is the key to decide whether we want to go ahead with the person or not, it would save us a lot of time. But think about this – you talk with a person and start the heavy, difficult conversation and you don’t know the person, you will be more likely to judge the person’s choices thoughts and other aspects without even knowing why they are that way and what the person wants from the bond. So instead of having difficult conversations before knowing about the person a little and then finding the person difficult to be with, try to balance the conversations with lighter topics and other general stuff.

Saying More than Doing: Many times we find people who say a lot of good things rather than following it up for actions. One can get attached and involved with the person just because of the way they talk and make them feel better about being with this person but then it may not last long term which leads to disappointment. Focus more on actions and behavior rather than words.

Influence of Social Media: With movies, social media apps and too many dating apps there’s too much overload and too many false images that we make of our partners in our head with respect of how the person looks, how the relationship should be, what should a person do in a relationship, red and green flags, etc. You have to remember that appearances can be changed and altered, even a good looking relationship needs work from both the partners and no one is perfect. The information you receive is reel information and may not be real because you are just seeing one aspect of it. It is important to understand navigating love in the digital age in your favor.

Fear of Commitment: We all have our set of relationships either romantic or others which have shaped and affected us, we all have a past. It is important to seek professional help to manage those emotions that do not work in favor of you seeking a healthy relationship and commitment with someone. If you do not work on things that stop you from becoming a better version of yourself and finding a healthy committed relationship, you would find it difficult to find someone and could feel alone.

Finding Someone Similar vs Opposite: It is great to look out for someone who has similar beliefs, values, interests, and life goals and also important for the relationship to be understanding and supportive. But then making it either sides of the extreme would be difficult thing to look out for. Two people will have different lifestyles, way of living, goals and ambitions, way to look at a relationship, etc. Find similarities with your non-negotiables and having differences will give you both a chance to explore something new together with each other, something new to talk about and even explore each other’s worlds which may improve the bond.

Poor Communication & Online Misperceptions: Many times what we communicate online can be poor. What we may want to say may not be communicated clearly which can lead to a misinterpretation and misperception of the person eventually leading to not moving forward. Many times someone isn’t good at communicating, the person could be an introvert or sometimes may not be able to talk impressively or flirtingly which may give a perception that the person isn’t interested in the conversation. Give a chance or benefit of doubt to a person when you feel that the conversation isn’t going anywhere. Many a times people are better when they are on a call, video call, in-person meet or chat which can differ from your normal and better. The best and most ideal way is to prioritize meeting a person face-to-face to understand each other better.

If you want to find a partner, the only thing that you should focus on is yourself. Make yourself better emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially and career-wise. Make the best of the time that you are single while you navigate the process of finding your partner without forgetting your self-worth. There would be many rejections either given or received and also difficult good byes, but remember to not weigh those on yourself. Be patient and enjoy yourself.