The Growing Emotional Gap in Modern Relationships

Lately, it is often observed that men have become emotionally distant in relationships leaving women no option but to guide them emotionally as well as to become better partners. This seems to be a burden on them emotionally leading to exhaustion and ending the relationship and establishing stricter boundaries. When there is only one person giving in the relationship, it becomes difficult for that person to be in a relationship as the giver also needs to receive.

Many women today experience dating not just as companionship but as emotional work that involves showing men how to express feelings, communicate and manage relational changes. This laborious task can lead to mental exhaustion and frustration when women feel they alone are always responsible for maintaining the emotional health of the relationship.

Psychologists and relationship experts point out that men’s lack of skills in emotional expression made bigger by cultural norms contributes to this imbalance. Women are often pressured into ‘caretaker’ or ‘mentor’ role which is cannot be sustained and diminishes relationship satisfaction.

As a result, women are increasingly asserting their needs by setting stronger boundaries and if needed, withdrawing from relationships that fail to offer reciprocity. This reflects a larger cultural movement toward prioritizing emotional equity in romantic partnerships and rejecting relationships where only one partner takes effort to maintain connection or resolve issues.

Let us get into why this is happening

Why Women Are Taking on the Emotional Mentor Role in Emotionally Imbalanced Relationships

Our society encourages men to suppress emotional expression. Haven’t we heard things like “men don’t cry”, or “men don’t get hurt”, or “be a man” when things are tough and you aren’t able to handle yourself when all you are doing is expressing yourself? This leads to focusing on self-reliance and not showing one’s emotions or not even bringing up things that bother the men. This makes men more observant and acceptant of the situations while being silent.

Women are encouraged to be expressive, be better in communication, to feel her emotions. Which makes women manage relationships, understand them better and even understand other person better and be able to manage the person’s emotions as well.

Societal Norms That Limit Men’s Emotional Expression

When boys who become, adult men being raised to suppress their emotions, they lack emotional quotient or the ability to manage their emotions. Since girls who become adults, women being raised to be caring, expressive and supportive, lead to take the role of emotional guide or mentor in relationships.

How Women Are Socialized Into Emotional Caregiving Roles

As adults, these early lessons become ingrained social roles wherein women feel responsible for maintaining emotional connection and harmony, while men may not perceive emotional work as their domain.

In romantic relationships, this results in women performing more emotional caretaker for things like managing emotions, offering support and teaching partners how to communicate and empathize.

Since women develop higher skills in empathy and relational communication due to both biological and social factors, they are expected to maintain the relationship’s emotional health by default.

How Early Conditioning Creates Adult Emotional Roles

Changing Relationship Norms and Higher Awareness: Societal shifts have increased awareness of emotional inequality. Women are less willing to quietly accept the emotional mentor role and are vocal about their exhaustion, leading to more surveys and studies spotlighting their experience.​

Social Isolation Among Men: Recent studies note men have smaller emotional support networks and fewer close friends. Without external outlets, men lean on romantic partners for emotional support, making the partner an emotional “go-to,” intensifying her labor.​

Pushback Against Patriarchal Norms: As younger generations challenge traditional gender expectations and advocate for fairness, women are no longer willing to perform disproportionate emotional labor. This resistance is captured in current studies and trends.​

Recent trends reflect a combination of new relationship models, dating app culture, social awareness, and women’s refusal to carry an invisible load, resulting in a measurable shift in both attitudes and willingness to participate in relationships that lack emotional reciprocity.

The Rise of Emotional Burnout Among Women in Modern Dating

Research evidence linking dating culture to emotional mentor fatigue: Recent research increasingly links modern dating culture to the rise of emotional mentor fatigue among women. Studies and expert commentary reveal several mechanisms behind this phenomenon.

Emotional Mentor Fatigue in App-Based Dating Culture

Research Evidence and Findings

Serial and App-based Dating: With the rise of dating apps, individuals often engage in frequent, short-term, or casual relationships. This means women repeatedly encounter men lacking emotional maturity or relationship skills, leading to fatigue from having to “start over” mentoring new partners each time.​

Superficial Connection and Fast Turnover: Quick matches and high partner turnover reduce opportunities for genuine emotional intimacy and depth. As a result, women find themselves responsible for guiding basic emotional communication repeatedly, increasing the exhaustion.​

Cultural Commentary: Terms like “mankeeping” and “therapist-with-benefits” reflect the growing burden women face in being expected to teach partners emotional literacy, a trend highlighted in popular and academic reports since online dating’s rise.​

Survey and Clinical Insights: Contemporary surveys and therapists’ observations find a growing number of women citing burnout from feeling more like guides than partners, directly linking this fatigue to patterns found in recent dating dynamics.

Research Evidence: Dating Culture and Emotional Labor in Modern Relationships

A major 2025 survey finds 72% of single women feel exhausted by continually providing emotional guidance to male partners.
The “emotional mentoring” refers to women teaching men how to be better partners, often carrying disproportionate emotional labor in relationships.
Experts attribute this trend to a combination of shrinking emotional networks among men and the societal expectation that women will handle most of the relationship management.

Psychological Theories Explaining Why Women Are Taking on the Emotional Mentor Role in Emotionally Imbalanced Relationships

Emotional Labor Theory (Arlie Hochschild)

This theory highlights how women are culturally and socially conditioned to handle the majority of “emotional labor” within relationships.​ Emotional labor refers to managing, regulating, and responding to others’ emotions, as well as mediating conflicts and maintaining harmony.
In heterosexual relationships, women are typically expected to handle these responsibilities for both partners, leading them to a mentor-like role.​

Gender Schema Theory (Sandra Bem)

This theory states that from a young age, individuals learn society’s expectations for masculinity and femininity through schemas (cognitive structures).
Boys are often taught to suppress vulnerability and prioritize autonomy, while girls are encouraged to express and manage emotions.
This creates a relational imbalance in adulthood, with women carrying the emotional “instruction” or guidance for their male partners.​

Social Role Theory (Alice Eagly)

Social Role Theory asserts that social roles associated with gender influence behaviors and traits considered socially appropriate.
Women are socialized for caregiving and nurturing, while men are socialized for independence and achievement. This leads women to take up emotional mentoring when men lack these nurturance skills in adulthood.​

Emotional Intelligence Theory (Daniel Goleman)

Research shows women, on average, score higher on dimensions of empathy, emotional awareness, and relational skills.​ When men lack emotional intelligence, they may rely on their partners to help them develop or express emotional competence, forcing women into teacher or coach roles.​

Attachment Theory (John Bowlby/Mary Ainsworth)

Attachment experiences in childhood shape adult relationship behaviors. If men grow up in environments discouraging emotional openness or vulnerability, they may struggle to meet emotional needs in relationships, expecting female partners to compensate by guiding or modeling healthy emotional behaviors.​

These theories collectively show that the “emotional mentor” dynamic is reinforced by deep-seated cultural, psychological, and developmental patterns—not simply individual preference or coincidence. This dynamic can result in emotional exhaustion and one-sided relational efforts for women.​

Psychological & Practical Strategies to rebalance emotional labour between partners

Open Communication:

Partners should have honest discussions about how emotional and relational responsibilities are divided. Making the “invisible work” visible allows both people to recognize and address imbalance.​

Inventory of Tasks:

Make a list of relational and emotional tasks (e.g., remembering birthdays, providing empathy after a tough day) and openly discuss who usually handles each one. Deliberately redistribute these responsibilities based on skills, preferences, or workload so one partner isn’t automatically burdened.​

Setting Boundaries:

Establish clear boundaries about who does what. It’s vital for the partner doing more work to prioritize self-care and let go of constant compensating.​

Empathy and Validation:

Practice mutual support, empathy, and validation so that both partners’ emotional efforts are seen and appreciated.​

Shared Decision-Making:

Engage in joint planning and problem-solving for family, logistics, and emotional issues, rather than relying on one partner to carry the relational load.​

Weekly Relationship Review:

Schedule a weekly sit-down to openly talk about feelings, concerns, and emotional tasks. Each partner expresses appreciation for the other’s emotional labor and checks for imbalances. Use this time to renegotiate responsibilities if needed.​

Conflict Resolution Scripts:

Practice structured phrases like “I feel…” and “I need…” to foster productive dispute resolution. This helps both partners share emotional work during disagreements rather than the same person mediating each time.​

Attachment Style Activities:

Engage in discussions or guided exercises to explore each other’s attachment styles and triggers. This improves awareness of emotional needs and helps tailor support, balancing labor.

Relationships grow beautifully when both partners feel truly seen, supported, and understood not just in the good moments, but in the everyday emotional work that holds a connection together. If you’ve been noticing signs of emotional imbalance, carrying the burden of one-sided emotional labor, or feeling quietly drained by the constant need to guide, teach, and hold the relationship together, you’re not alone. Many women today are experiencing similar patterns of emotional exhaustion, especially in dating culture where emotional skills are often uneven.

Healing begins with simple awareness, the moment you acknowledge that your feelings, needs, and capacity matter. From there, it becomes easier to choose relationships rooted in emotional reciprocity, shared responsibility, and genuine care rather than silent effort.

If you’re ready to understand your relationship patterns more deeply, strengthen your emotional boundaries, or rebuild healthier communication dynamics, Samvid offers a safe space to reflect and grow. Whether through therapy sessions or workshops, you can reclaim a version of love where your emotional needs are valued just as much as the support you’ve always given others. You deserve a relationship that nourishes you, not one that relies on you to carry all the emotional weight.