Many of my clients talk about loneliness and the often refer it to all the external events when they explain me why they feel lonely. It’s either friends, work, family, cousins, lifestyle, etc. that contribute to loneliness.
What I would want to talk mainly is how people see loneliness.
Associating loneliness with external factors is valid, but only up-to certain extent, later, it is more to do with your mindset, acceptance and how can you move forward looking for more opportunities for yourself.
Often when we feel lonely, we say things like:
– “I wish someone would talk to me.”
– “No one understands how I feel.”
– “I just want to be around people.”
– “I feel invisible sometimes.”
– “I have no friends.”
– “I have no one I can go out with.”
– “When I need, I don’t have anyone.”
It mostly happens because we don’t learn to execute out boundaries with people. We are available for them when and how they want us to be available for them. But we forget that they will set boundaries and they will be available however they can.
When we too speak about navigating adulthood and friendships, we speak more about how people are not able to make time rather than how we can make most of our time with or without people being present.
Life does change when we become adults. It mainly happens because we start working and spend maximum time working and handling work pressure and challenges that we automatically have limited time for others leave alone ourselves. This makes us feel more disconnected from ourselves and from our friends and family.
When we feel disconnected with our hobbies, interests, passion, friends, family and ourselves while we navigate stress and strive to become better, it can definitely get lonely as you are left with only yourself to handle your struggles and lack the safe environment, people and time to express yourself and your emotions.
Key factors that you can keep in mind are:
- You can find new avenues wherein you can connect with people who share the same hobbies and/or interests with you
- You can be happy with your own company if you have hobbies and/or interests that don’t involve people
- You can go out alone to watch movies, eat at a fancy restaurant or take yourself out on a date
- You will have people around you who love and support you, maybe just not around you or the way you want them to show you
- Keep yourself engaged in some or the other work or activity is better than pondering over the thought of loneliness
- Your happiness isn’t anyone else’s responsibility but yours alone, so if you are thinking that having people by your side will not make you feel lonely or sad, think twice. If you are not happy from within, you can’t be happy even if surrounded by people.
What all can you consider doing:
- Find some groups that share and/or do the same things that you like, for example: reading group, travelling group, etc. This will help you interact with people on the topics you like.
- Engaging in your hobbies like reading, writing, creating art, gardening, etc. can make you feel occupied and happy at the same time.
- Take yourself out for that outing you have been waiting for long to go with your people. No one is going to stop you from doing so!! It will not only help you feel better about yourself but also connect more with yourself and feel happy. Whether it is taking a solo trip or eating in particular restaurant or watching a movie or any kind of experience.
- Find new hobbies if you don’t have any and follow them. This way you can learn something new which helps your brain as well as releases all happy hormones to make you feel happy and confident.
- Read – Reading as a hobby can help you explore a lot and you wouldn’t even need any other human to make you feel alive that the plots of the stories will make you feel.
- Make a routine for yourself that includes things that make you feel happy so that you can unwind better feeling happy and satisfied.
- Try to include vacation times wherein all of you meet each other and spend time.
- Have one evening whenever convenient just for meeting and catching up as a compulsory ritual so that it feels better in the journey.
- Know the difference between reel and the real life – sometimes what you see online has a very different story offline. Don’t get carried away from what you see others doing and how they are living, it can really destroy all the happiness and peace you have already.
- Sometimes it is difficult to make friends if you already don’t have many friends due to various reasons or if you are solopreneur. Learn to accept that very fact while looking out for better acquaintances with whom you can bond based on similar interests rather than sharing a deep bond.
- Make a list of all your friends, family, cousins, acquaintances who genuinely love you and are there for you, even if you think they haven’t been with you exactly the way you want(ed) them to be. Think about the happy memories and feel gratefully happy about them.
- Find time to write things that you are grateful for
- Meditation and journaling can also help boost self-confidence and help you believe in yourself and your abilities.
- Include physical exercise in your routine, it can help you feel better physically as well as emotionally.
Even when I share what I shared, I know that it isn’t easy to adopt to this. But imagine the damage holding on to loneliness and the way it makes you feel can do to your emotions and body!!
The life we are living, it can become difficult to make time for ourselves, leave alone for our friends and loved ones. Navigating such transitions can be difficult, it is important to know that seeking professional help is also a good option to help you navigating loneliness.
